I’ve been notorious for having poor boundaries (I’m a work in progress). I used to hate saying no to people. I would prefer to disappoint myself than others. I’m also a bit of a workhorse, so I know I can push through and get any job done. 

But what I ended up with was burnout.

I first heard this quote a couple years ago and now whenever I’m asked to add a new commitment to my plate, I recite these words as my inner motto and it helps me pause. It reminds me to do the following:

• If I truly know it’s a no for me, I try to no longer beat around the bush. I kindly say something like, “my life is very full right now, thank-you for the opportunity/thinking of me but I won’t be able to x/y/z at this time”. WITHOUT EXPLAINING (iykyk).
• If my gut instinct doesn’t tell me an obvious answer (a hell yes, or a hell no, felt in my body, not the mind), then I allow myself TIME to get clarity. I ride out any emotional wave before making a decision, i.e. I try not to make a decision when I am super excited or feeling bleh. For myself, this requires at least 24+ hours. My default response when I’m not immediately sure has become, “let me sit with this and get back to you in a few days”. 

What I’ve realised for myself is committing to nothing new for periods of time (if feeling stuck, lost, or in an ‘inner Winter’) is more productive than committing to the wrong things. Agreeing to commitments that we aren’t excited and joyful about can keep us from fully investing in the ones we do love. I want to stay focused and channel my energy into what will move the needle forward on my most important goals (and relationships).

However, if making these words your motto, you have to make sure your mind isn’t tricking you into a default “no” out of FEAR. This isn’t about avoiding the unpleasant or uncomfortable in life. Personally I find it helps me live more authentically – not bypass.

I know some people don’t resonate with this saying – it can feel too black and white (and that is totally cool!). Take what resonates and leave the rest as they say. 

^These types of discussions were common amongst the women in the Wild Collective, where we also talked a lot about honing your intuition to help you make more authentic and efficient decisions. Because life is essentially a series of decisions that ultimately lead you closer to the life you truly want to be living, or not. 

If you’re interested in hearing more about this women’s health community – the Wild Collective, you can sign up for the wait list here

Let me know in the comments, does this quote resonate for you? If not, what motto has helped you with boundaries and decision making?